Guy Blogger: Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Dear Thornton
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about four months. Ever since we hit the three-month mark though, I've started finding things wrong with him. He has small habits of falling asleep at night while text messaging me or occasionally forgetting to tell me what's up the next day. He's always had these quirks, but they've just started to bother me now. I've talked to him about this and he gets frustrated because he says he's constantly trying to keep me happy, and I know in my head he is. I don't understand who has the problem, him or me. I don't know if I'm sabotaging my relationship out of fear, or if I have legitimate reasons for getting mad at him. Please help, I'm heartbroken over this.
-“Heartbroken”

Wow, “Heartbroken”:

If I could answer your question in way that gave you answers, made you understand where your guy is coming from and showed you how to fix these problems, life would change forever; You would have a sublime understanding of the differences between the sexes, your relationship would flourish, other couples would ask your secrets and I would become obscenely rich for having had the answer. Alas, you have asked one of the questions that will most likely confound men and women for eternity.

There’s a saying that applies to your question; “Familiarity breeds contempt.” And while ‘contempt’ (good SAT word btw) is a bit strong in your case, the idea holds water. When two people meet, everything is new and exciting. You can stay up all night talking, learning about each other and discovering cute little quirks that you find so endearing. As you grow into a relationship, becoming more familiar, those talks inevitably shrink in length as you have less to learn, while those quirks mutate from cute into irksome (SAT word #2). After a while people often lose interest in one another completely or in some cases grow to actively dislike one another. It’s called ‘breaking up’.

I know it sucks to go through it but I guarantee that your guy is going through the same frustrations. Your guy sounds frustrated with seeing the “newness” fade from your relationship. If he’s constantly defending himself to you he’s probably exhausted by it, (which explains the nodding off during texts) and wishing things were like they were in the beginning. So maybe lay off a little bit and try to see him again for the first time and remember what it was about him that you liked so much in the first place. By doing so, you may even let him see the same things in you.

I do hope things work out for you “Heartbroken,” but if these problems do lead to a breakup, learn from your mistakes and apply them to your next relationship. Learning about yourself makes it easier to learn about others and make that learning stage so much better, and maybe even longer.